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omg, they're getting worse
which is the whole point, really
truly awful
excellent
which is the whole point, really
truly awful
excellent
The 'Official PCR Bad Joke' Thread!
- Thread starter TriplexDread
- Start date
Taffycat
Crunchy Cat
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[FONT=times new roman,helvetica]Driving to work, a gentlman had to swerve to avoid a box that fell out of a truck in front of him. Seconds later, a policeman pulled him over for reckless driving. Fortunately, another officer had seen the carton in the road. The policmen stopped traffic and recovered the box. It was found to contain large upholstery tacks.
"I'm sorry sir," the first trooper told the driver, "but I am still going to have to write you a ticket."
Amazed, the driver asked for what.
The trooper replied, "Tacks evasion." [/FONT]
"I'm sorry sir," the first trooper told the driver, "but I am still going to have to write you a ticket."
Amazed, the driver asked for what.
The trooper replied, "Tacks evasion." [/FONT]
nivrip
Yorkshire Cruncher
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There was once a very prim and proper older lady who had a problem with passing gas. Since she came from a generation when people didn't even talk about this kind of problem it took a long time for her to seek help. Finally, however, she was persuaded to consult her family doctor.
After she filled out all the proper forms and had waited about 20 minutes in the waiting room the doctor called her into his office, leaned back in his chair, folded his hands into a steeple and asked her how he could help.
"Doctor," she said, "I have a very bad gas problem. Yesterday afternoon I had lunch with the Secretary of State and his wife and had six, um, er, ahhh ... silent gas emissions. Last night I had dinner with the governor and his wife and had four silent gas emissions. Then, while sitting in your waiting room I had five silent gas emissions! Doctor, you've got to help me! What can we do?"
"Well," said the doctor raising his voice a little, "I think the first thing we're going to do is give you a hearing test."
After she filled out all the proper forms and had waited about 20 minutes in the waiting room the doctor called her into his office, leaned back in his chair, folded his hands into a steeple and asked her how he could help.
"Doctor," she said, "I have a very bad gas problem. Yesterday afternoon I had lunch with the Secretary of State and his wife and had six, um, er, ahhh ... silent gas emissions. Last night I had dinner with the governor and his wife and had four silent gas emissions. Then, while sitting in your waiting room I had five silent gas emissions! Doctor, you've got to help me! What can we do?"
"Well," said the doctor raising his voice a little, "I think the first thing we're going to do is give you a hearing test."
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A helicopter was flying around above Seattle yesterday
when an electrical malfunction disabled all of the
aircraft's electronic navigation and communication
equipment. Due to the clouds and haze the pilot could
not determine his position or course to steer to the
airport. The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it,
circled, drew a handwritten sign and held it in the helicopter's window. The sign said "WHERE AM I?" in large letters.
People in the tall building quickly responded to the aircraft, drew a large sign and held it in a building window. Their sign said, "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER." The pilot smiled, waved, looked at his map and determined the course to steer to SEATAC (Seattle/Tacoma) airport and landed safely.
After they were on the ground, the co-pilot asked the
pilot how the "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER" sign helped determine their position.
The pilot responded, "I knew that had to be the MICROSOFT building because they gave me a technically correct but completely useless reply
circled, drew a handwritten sign and held it in the helicopter's window. The sign said "WHERE AM I?" in large letters.
People in the tall building quickly responded to the aircraft, drew a large sign and held it in a building window. Their sign said, "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER." The pilot smiled, waved, looked at his map and determined the course to steer to SEATAC (Seattle/Tacoma) airport and landed safely.
After they were on the ground, the co-pilot asked the
pilot how the "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER" sign helped determine their position.
The pilot responded, "I knew that had to be the MICROSOFT building because they gave me a technically correct but completely useless reply
Taffycat
Crunchy Cat
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Badly thought-out News headlines:
Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
Iraqi Head Seeks Arms
Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
Survivor of Siamese Twins Joins Parents
Drunk Gets Nine Months in Violin Case
Prostitutes Appeal to Pope
Plane Too Close to Ground, Crash Probe Told
Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
Enraged Cow Injures Farmer with Ax
British Left Waffles on Falkland Islands
Squad Helps Dog Bite Victim
Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
Eye Drops off Shelf
Safety Experts Say School Bus Passengers Should Be Belted
Miners Refuse to Work after Death
If Strike isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last a While
Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
Two Soviet Ships Collide, One Dies
Killer Sentenced to Die for Second Time in 10 Years
Never Withhold Herpes Infection from Loved One
Red Tape Holds Up New Bridge
Man Struck by Lightning Faces Battery Charge
Some Pieces of Rock Hudson Sold at Auction
Stolen Painting Found by Tree
Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
Iraqi Head Seeks Arms
Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
Survivor of Siamese Twins Joins Parents
Drunk Gets Nine Months in Violin Case
Prostitutes Appeal to Pope
Plane Too Close to Ground, Crash Probe Told
Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
Enraged Cow Injures Farmer with Ax
British Left Waffles on Falkland Islands
Squad Helps Dog Bite Victim
Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
Eye Drops off Shelf
Safety Experts Say School Bus Passengers Should Be Belted
Miners Refuse to Work after Death
If Strike isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last a While
Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
Two Soviet Ships Collide, One Dies
Killer Sentenced to Die for Second Time in 10 Years
Never Withhold Herpes Infection from Loved One
Red Tape Holds Up New Bridge
Man Struck by Lightning Faces Battery Charge
Some Pieces of Rock Hudson Sold at Auction
Stolen Painting Found by Tree
Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
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Especially like the last one
. That lot was a good find TC
Taffycat
Crunchy Cat
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Just as you think they can't get any worse....... 
A rubber band slingshot was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.
How are a chicken and a grape alike?
They are both purple... except for the chicken.
Why do bees hum?
Because they don't know the words!
What do Eskimos get from sitting on the ice too long?
Polaroids.
What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
Anyone can roast beef.
Why are there so many Johnsons in the phone book?
They all have phones.
What is green and has wheels?
Grass, I lied about the wheels.
What has five legs, three eyes and two tails?
A dog with spare parts.
What has four legs and one arm?
A happy pit bull.
What's a Wok?
Something you throw at a Wabbit.
What do you call a fly without wings?
A walk.
What's red and bad for your teeth?
A brick.
A rubber band slingshot was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.
How are a chicken and a grape alike?
They are both purple... except for the chicken.
Why do bees hum?
Because they don't know the words!
What do Eskimos get from sitting on the ice too long?
Polaroids.
What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
Anyone can roast beef.
Why are there so many Johnsons in the phone book?
They all have phones.
What is green and has wheels?
Grass, I lied about the wheels.
What has five legs, three eyes and two tails?
A dog with spare parts.
What has four legs and one arm?
A happy pit bull.
What's a Wok?
Something you throw at a Wabbit.
What do you call a fly without wings?
A walk.
What's red and bad for your teeth?
A brick.
Taffycat
Crunchy Cat
- Joined
- Jun 1, 2006
- Messages
- 13,012
- Reaction score
- 1,075
Who's green and sings..?
Elvis Parsley!
I put clean socks on every day this week...
Now my shoes don't fit.
I parked in a disabled space today and a traffic warden shouted to me...
'Oi, what's your disability?'
I said 'Tourettes! Now @$#!! off!'
What do you call a man who has lost 99% of his brain?
A widower.
When is a car not a car?
When it turns into a driveway.
Why don't blind people like to sky dive?
Because it scares the hell out of the dog.
How do you pick out a blonde at a funeral?
She will try to catch the wreath.
Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly; but when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it.
Have i told you the joke about the butter?
I'dbettter not.. you might spread it.
Have i told you the joke about the broken pencil?
I'd better not... it doesnt have a point.
Did you hear about the girl who didn't pay her exorcist?
She was re-possessed.
Elvis Parsley!
I put clean socks on every day this week...
Now my shoes don't fit.
I parked in a disabled space today and a traffic warden shouted to me...
'Oi, what's your disability?'
I said 'Tourettes! Now @$#!! off!'
What do you call a man who has lost 99% of his brain?
A widower.
When is a car not a car?
When it turns into a driveway.
Why don't blind people like to sky dive?
Because it scares the hell out of the dog.
How do you pick out a blonde at a funeral?
She will try to catch the wreath.
Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly; but when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it.
Have i told you the joke about the butter?
I'dbettter not.. you might spread it.
Have i told you the joke about the broken pencil?
I'd better not... it doesnt have a point.
Did you hear about the girl who didn't pay her exorcist?
She was re-possessed.
- Joined
- Jul 11, 2010
- Messages
- 5,758
- Reaction score
- 552
What do you call a man who has lost 99% of his brain?
A widower.
A widower.
nivrip
Yorkshire Cruncher
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