The 'Official PCR Bad Joke' Thread!
- Thread starter TriplexDread
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Taffycat
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A physician claimed that the following are actual comments made by some of his patients (predominately male) while he was performing their colonoscopies :
1. "Take it easy, Doc. You're boldly going where no man has gone before!"
2. "Find Amelia Earhart yet?"
3. "Can you hear me NOW?"
4. "Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?"
5. "You know, in Arkansas , we're now legally married."
6. "Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?"
7. "You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out..."
8. "Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!"
9. "If your hand doesn't fit, you must quit!"
10. "Hey Doc, let me know if you find my dignity."
11. "You used to be an executive at Enron, didn't you?"
12. "Sheesh! Now I know why I am not gay."
13. "Should I smile for my Kodak Moment?"
And the best one of all .
14. "Could you write a note for my wife saying that my head is not up there?"
1. "Take it easy, Doc. You're boldly going where no man has gone before!"
2. "Find Amelia Earhart yet?"
3. "Can you hear me NOW?"
4. "Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?"
5. "You know, in Arkansas , we're now legally married."
6. "Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?"
7. "You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out..."
8. "Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!"
9. "If your hand doesn't fit, you must quit!"
10. "Hey Doc, let me know if you find my dignity."
11. "You used to be an executive at Enron, didn't you?"
12. "Sheesh! Now I know why I am not gay."
13. "Should I smile for my Kodak Moment?"
And the best one of all .
14. "Could you write a note for my wife saying that my head is not up there?"
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Oh keep the coming no, no, no, more my sides are aching. I am sorry I cannot participate as I forget them as soon as I have heard them . But thank you all for a good Laugh
Taffycat
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Q. Why don't penguins fly?
A. They're not tall enough to be pilots.
Q. How do you define a will?
A. It's a Dead Giveaway.
Q. What did the Mexican fireman name his twin sons?
A. Hose A and Hose B.
Did you hear about the choirboy who broke into song because he couldn't find the key?
A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
Corduroy pillows are making headlines.
Dijon vu - the same mustard as before.
A. They're not tall enough to be pilots.
Q. How do you define a will?
A. It's a Dead Giveaway.
Q. What did the Mexican fireman name his twin sons?
A. Hose A and Hose B.
Did you hear about the choirboy who broke into song because he couldn't find the key?
A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
Corduroy pillows are making headlines.
Dijon vu - the same mustard as before.
Taffycat
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Family Tree of Vincent Van Gogh:
His dizzy aunt
Verti Gogh
The brother who ate prunes
Gotta Gogh
The brother who worked at a convenience store
Stop N Gogh
The grandfather from Yugoslavia
U Gogh
His magician uncle
Where-diddy Gogh
His Mexican-Chinese cousin
Ah-Mee Gogh
The Mexican cousin's American half-brother
Gring Gogh
The nephew who drove a stage coach
Wellsfar Gogh
The constipated uncle
Can't Gogh
The ballroom dancing aunt
Tang Gogh
The bird lover uncle
Flamin Gogh
The fruit-loving cousin
Man Gogh
An aunt who taught positive thinking
Wayta Gogh
The little bouncy nephew
Poe Gogh
A sister who loved disco
Go Gogh
And his niece who travels the country in an RV
Winnie Bay Gogh
I saw you smiling . . . There ya Gogh!
His dizzy aunt
Verti Gogh
The brother who ate prunes
Gotta Gogh
The brother who worked at a convenience store
Stop N Gogh
The grandfather from Yugoslavia
U Gogh
His magician uncle
Where-diddy Gogh
His Mexican-Chinese cousin
Ah-Mee Gogh
The Mexican cousin's American half-brother
Gring Gogh
The nephew who drove a stage coach
Wellsfar Gogh
The constipated uncle
Can't Gogh
The ballroom dancing aunt
Tang Gogh
The bird lover uncle
Flamin Gogh
The fruit-loving cousin
Man Gogh
An aunt who taught positive thinking
Wayta Gogh
The little bouncy nephew
Poe Gogh
A sister who loved disco
Go Gogh
And his niece who travels the country in an RV
Winnie Bay Gogh
I saw you smiling . . . There ya Gogh!
Taffycat
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A woman pulled into the crowded car-park at the local shopping center and rolled down the car windows to make sure her Labrador Retriever dog had fresh air.
The dog was lying across the back seat where the woman wanted her to obediently stay, whilst she walked over to the pay-and-display
ticket machine.
The woman began to walk backwards away from the car, pointing a warning finger at the dog and saying emphatically, 'Now stay! Do you hear me? Staaay!!'
A blonde emerged from a nearby car and, smiling sympathetically
said: "Oh there's a much easier way to do this...
"Is there really? The first woman asked, raising an eyebrow.
"Oh yes. Do you see that lever-thingie between the front seats, pull that on before you get out and the car will always stay right where you want it to!"
(This is the bad joke thread don't forget
)
The dog was lying across the back seat where the woman wanted her to obediently stay, whilst she walked over to the pay-and-display
ticket machine.
The woman began to walk backwards away from the car, pointing a warning finger at the dog and saying emphatically, 'Now stay! Do you hear me? Staaay!!'
A blonde emerged from a nearby car and, smiling sympathetically
said: "Oh there's a much easier way to do this...
"Is there really? The first woman asked, raising an eyebrow.
"Oh yes. Do you see that lever-thingie between the front seats, pull that on before you get out and the car will always stay right where you want it to!"
(This is the bad joke thread don't forget
)
nivrip
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A bloke has moved in next door. He has travelled the world, swum with sharks, wrestled bears and climbed the highest mountain.
It came as no surprise to learn his name is Bindair Dundat.
(Well, they are supposed to be bad jokes)
It came as no surprise to learn his name is Bindair Dundat.
(Well, they are supposed to be bad jokes)
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'Hello. Is that Dublin double two, double two?' asked the caller,'Indeed no,' said Murphy. 'It's Dublin two, two, two, two.'
'I'm sorry to have troubled you,' said the caller.
'It's all right,' said Murphy. 'I had to answer the phone anyway!'
'I'm sorry to have troubled you,' said the caller.
'It's all right,' said Murphy. 'I had to answer the phone anyway!'
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nivrip
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No need for thanks
A married couple was in a terrible accident where the woman’s face was severely burned. The doctor told the husband that they couldn’t graft any skin from her body because she was too skinny. So the husband offered to donate some of his own skin. However, the only skin on his body that the doctor felt was suitable would have to come from his buttocks.
The husband and wife agreed that they would tell no one about where the skin came from, and requested that the doctor also honor their secret. After all, this was a very delicate matter.
After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the woman’s new beauty. She looked more beautiful than she ever had before!
All her friends and relatives just went on and on about her youthful beauty! One day, she was alone with her husband, and she was overcome with emotion at his sacrifice. She said,
- "Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you did for me. There is no way I could ever repay you."
- "My darling," he replied, "think nothing of it. I get all the thanks I need every time I see your mother kiss you on the cheek."
A married couple was in a terrible accident where the woman’s face was severely burned. The doctor told the husband that they couldn’t graft any skin from her body because she was too skinny. So the husband offered to donate some of his own skin. However, the only skin on his body that the doctor felt was suitable would have to come from his buttocks.
The husband and wife agreed that they would tell no one about where the skin came from, and requested that the doctor also honor their secret. After all, this was a very delicate matter.
After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the woman’s new beauty. She looked more beautiful than she ever had before!
All her friends and relatives just went on and on about her youthful beauty! One day, she was alone with her husband, and she was overcome with emotion at his sacrifice. She said,
- "Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you did for me. There is no way I could ever repay you."
- "My darling," he replied, "think nothing of it. I get all the thanks I need every time I see your mother kiss you on the cheek."
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Taffycat
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As the coffin was being lowered into the ground at a traffic warden's
funeral, a voice from inside the coffin screamed, “I'm not dead, I'm not dead! Let me out!”
The vicar smiled, leaned forward sucking air through his teeth and
muttered, “ Too late pal, the paperwork's already done!"
funeral, a voice from inside the coffin screamed, “I'm not dead, I'm not dead! Let me out!”
The vicar smiled, leaned forward sucking air through his teeth and
muttered, “ Too late pal, the paperwork's already done!"
Abarbarian
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I am sorry I have to stop reading these posts as I have just wet my self
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I think we have a contender for a winner there Mr Nivrip
That truly is the worst joke I think I've ever heard.
Congratulations
That truly is the worst joke I think I've ever heard.
Congratulations
nivrip
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Once upon a time ...
Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl "Will you marry me?"
The girl said, "NO!"
And the guy lived happily ever after and went fishing, hunting and played golf a lot and drank beer and burped whenever he wanted.
Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl "Will you marry me?"
The girl said, "NO!"
And the guy lived happily ever after and went fishing, hunting and played golf a lot and drank beer and burped whenever he wanted.
Taffycat
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On a recent flight, an elderly passenger kept peering out the window.
Since it was totally dark, all she could see was the blinking wing-tip light.
Finally, she rang for the flight attendant.
"I'm sorry to bother you," she said, "but I think you should inform the pilot that his left-turn indicator is on and has been for some time."
Since it was totally dark, all she could see was the blinking wing-tip light.
Finally, she rang for the flight attendant.
"I'm sorry to bother you," she said, "but I think you should inform the pilot that his left-turn indicator is on and has been for some time."
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