The 'Official PCR Bad Joke' Thread!

[FONT=times new roman,helvetica]A couple goes out to dinner to celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary. On the way home, she notices a tear in his eye and asks if he's getting sentimental because they're celebrating 50 wonderful years together. He replies, "No, I was thinking about the time before we got married. Your father threatened me with a shotgun and said he'd have me thrown in jail for 50 years if I didn't marry you. Tomorrow I would've been a free man!"

:lol::lol::lol::lol::lol:
[/FONT]
 
:lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::thumb::thumb::thumb::thumb::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol:I know how he feels:cry:, I was married the first time for 32 years, it was like a prison sentence. Everything is fine with the No 2 :lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol:
 
Just a few a friend sent me Enjoy:lol:

There are six reasons why you should think before you speak -the last one is great!
Have you ever spoken and wished that you could immediately take the words back...
Here are the Testimonials of a few people who did...

FIRST TESTIMONY:
I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and asked loudly,
'How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?'
I turned around and walked back out and never went back
My husband didn't say a word...he knew better.

SECOND TESTIMONY:
I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls.
I was unhappy with the women's type I had been using.
After browsing for several minutes, I was approached by
one of the good-looking gentlemen who works at the store.
He asked if he could help me.
Without thinking, I looked at him and said, 'I think I like playing with men's balls'


THIRD TESTIMONY:
My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a variety of candy and nuts.
As we were looking at the display case, the boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help. I replied, '
No, I'm just looking at your nuts.'
My sister started to laugh hysterically.
The boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away.
To this day, my sister has never let me forget.


FOURTH TESTIMONY:

While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release some pent-up energy and ran amok.
I was finally able to grab hold of her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons.
I told her that if she did not start behaving 'right now' she would be punished. To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said
in a voice just as threatening,
'If you don't let me go right now,
I will tell Grandma that saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!'
The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange.
Even the tellers stopped what they were doing.
I mustered up the last of my dignity and walkedout of the bank with my daughter in tow.
The last thing I heard when the door closed behind me, were screams of laughter.



FIFTHTESTIMONY:
Have you ever asked your child a question too many times?
My three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training and I was on him constantly.
One day we stopped at Tesco for a quick lunch, in between errands.
It was very busy, with a full dining room. While enjoying my meal I smelled something funny,
So of course I checked my seven-month-old daughter, she was clean.
I then realized that Danny had not asked to go potty in a while.
I asked him if he needed to go,and he said 'No' .. I kept thinking
'Oh Lord, that child has had an accident, and I don't have any clothes with me.'
Then I said, 'Danny, are you SURE you didn't have an accident?'
'No,' he replied. I just KNEW that he must have had an accident
So, I asked one more time, 'Danny did you have an accident ?
This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants,bent over, spread his cheeks
and yelled 'SEE MOM,IT'S JUST FARTS!!'
While 30 people nearly choked to death on their meals laughing,
he calmly pulled up his pants and sat down.
An old couple made me feel better, thanking me for the
best laugh they'd ever had!
LAST BUT NOT LEAST TESTIMONY:
This had most of England laughing for 2 days and a very embarrassed female news
presenter who will,in the future, likely think before she speaks.
What happens when you predict snow but don't get any! We had a female news presenter that,
the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turning to the weatherman
and asked:'So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?'
Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did to they were laughing so hard!
Now, didn't that feel good?
Pass it on to someone you know who needs a laugh and remember
we all say things we don't really mean so think before you speak!!!
 
:D Here is another I have come by

[FONT=&quot]Five Horses Is Her Name
This is mythical and deep.
Truly beautiful...

A man asked an American Indian what was his wife's name.
He replied, "She is called Five Horses".

The man said, "That's an unusual name for your wife.
What does it mean?


The Old Indian answered,
"It old Indian Name. It mean... NAG, NAG, NAG, NAG, NAG![/FONT]


:cheers:
 
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Customer: 'I've been calling 700-1000 for two days and can't get through; can you help?'
Operator: 'Where did you get that number, sir?'
Customer: 'It's on the door of your business.'
Operator: 'Sir, those are the hours that we are open.'
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Samsung Electronics
Caller: 'Can you give me the telephone number for Jack?'
Operator: 'I'm sorry, sir, I don't understand who you are talking about.'
Caller: 'On page 1, section 5, of the user guide it clearly states that
I need to unplug the fax machine from the AC wall socket and
telephone Jack before cleaning. Now, can you give me the
number for Jack?'
Operator: 'I think it means the telephone plug on the wall.'
----------------------------------------------------------------------
RAC Motoring Services
Caller: 'Does your European Breakdown Policy cover me when I am
traveling in Australia ?'
Operator: 'Does the policy name give you a clue?'
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Caller (enquiring about legal requirements while traveling in Europe )
'If I register my car in France , and then take it to England , do I have to change the steeringwheel to the other side of the car?'
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Directory Enquiries
Caller: 'I'd like the number of the Argo Fish Bar, please'
Operator: 'I'm sorry, there's no listing. Are you sure that the spelling is correct?'
Caller: 'Well, it used to be called the Bargo Fish Bar but the 'B' fell off.'
------------------ ----------------------------------------------------
Then there was the caller who asked for a knitwear company in Woven.
Operator: 'Woven? Are you sure?'
Caller: 'Yes.. That's what it says on the label -- Woven in Scotland ...'
----------------------------------------------------------------------
On another occasion, a man making heavy breathing sounds from a phone box told a worried operator: 'I haven't got a pen, so I'm steaming up the window to write the number on.'
 
Website Names

These are not made up.
Check them out yourself!

1. 'Who Represents' is where you can find the name of the agent that represents any celebrity. Their Web site is:
www.whorepresents.com

2. 'Experts Exchange' is a knowledge base where programmers can exchange advice and views at:
www.expertsexchange.com

3. Looking for a great pen? Look no further than' Pen Island '.
It can be found at:
www.penisland.net

4. Need a therapist? Try 'Therapist Finder' at:
www.therapistfinder.com

5. Then there's the 'Italian Power Generator' company. Check it out at:
www.powergenitalia.com

6.'IP computer'software, there's always:
www.ipanywhere.com

7. And the designers at 'Speed of Art' await you at their wacky Web site:
www.speedofart.com


:D
 
A thief stole 500 bottles of Viagra from a High Street chemist ... Detectives say they are looking for a hardened criminal.


What's the difference between an in-law and an outlaw? Outlaws are wanted.


My pal Sid was a victim of ID theft. Now he’s just called S


A man wakes up on a deserted island only to find that the sun, sand and sea are all purple. He cried: “Oh no, I’ve been marooned.”


Patient: “Doctor, doctor! I keep thinking I’m a lady who delivers babies!”
Doctor: “You’re just going through a midwife crisis.”


I've used up all my sick days, so I’m calling in dead


Q: What's red and bad for your teeth?
A: A brick.

Q: What do you get if you cross a motorway with a wheelbarrow?
A: Run over.

Q: What do you call a parrot in the rain with an umbrella?

A man walks into a pub with a lump of asphalt on his shoulder. He says to the barman: “Give us a pint — and one for the road.”

A man goes into a fish and chip shop with a salmon under his arm. He asks: “Do you sell fish cakes here?” and is told “No”.
“Shame”, said the man, “it’s his birthday.”
 
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