Quad's Humour Thread

A Healthful Place

A Healthful Place

Mr. Peterson, a tourist from Toronto, arrived in Barbados. In an airport taxi cab, Peterson asked the driver, "Say, is this really a healthful place?"

"It sure is," the cabby replied. "When I came here I couldn't say one word. I had hardly any hair on my head. I didn't have the strength to walk across a room, and I had to be lifted out of bed."

"That's wonderful!" said the tourist, "How long have you been here?"

"I was born here", said the cabby.







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Relocation Notice

"Village Dry Cleaners has relocated to High Street, right next door to St. Joseph's Church. After March 1, Cleanliness Is Next to Godliness."


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ROTFLMAO :lol:

"get... off the merry go round"

:lol:

Is that what I've been doind wrong all these years? :lol:
 
this thread needs a bump ...

At dawn's early light, the telephone rings...


"Hello, Senor Smith? This is Ernesto... the caretaker at your country house."

"Ah yes, Ernesto. What can I do for you? Is there a problem?"

"Uh...I'm just calling to advise you, Senor that your parrot died."

"My parrot? Dead? The one that won the International speaking competition?"

"Si, Senor...that's the one."

"Damn! That's a pity! I spent a small fortune on that bird. What did he die from?"

"From eating rotten meat, Senor."

"Rotten meat? Who the hell fed the parrot rotten meat?"

"Nobody, Senor, he ate the meat of your dead horse!"

"Dead horse? What dead horse?"

"The thoroughbred that won the Breeders Cup, Senor Smith. He had died from a heart attack pulling the big water cart."

"Are you insane? What water cart?"

"The one we used to put out the fire, Senor!"

"Good Lord! What fire are you talking about, man?"

"The one at your house, Senor! A candle fell and the curtains caught on fire."

"What the..!! There's electricity at the house!! What the hell was the candle for?"

"For the funeral, Senor."

"WHAT BLOODY FUNERAL?"

"Your wife's, funeral. She showed up one night out of the blue and I thought she was a burglar ...
so I hit her with your new Tiger Woods Nike driver."

A long pause of complete silence ...


"Ernesto, if you broke that driver, you're a dead man"


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Old Harold

Harold was an old man who was sick and in the hospital. There was one young nurse that just drove him crazy. Every time she came in, she would talk to him like he was a little child. She would say in a patronizing tone of voice, "And how are we doing this morning, or are we ready for a bath, or are we hungry?"

Old Harold had had enough of this particular nurse. One day, Old Harold had breakfast, pulled the juice off the tray, and put it on his bed side stand. He had been given a urine bottle to fill for testing.
 The juice was apple juice. So .. you know where the juice went! The nurse came in a little later, picked up the urine bottle and looked at it. "My, but it seems we are a little cloudy today ."

At this, Old Harold snatched the bottle out of her hand, popped off the top, and drank it down, saying, "Well, I'll run it through again. Maybe I can filter it better this time."

The nurse fainted.....Old Harold just smiled!



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If i'm having a bad day or want a laugh i always look here first to see the latest jokes:lol: :D :thumb:
 
Yes :)
Or pick a page at random & read a few,
is always good to put a smile on my face :)
Maybe should have a nosey around & see what we can come up with while quads is busy?
I'm sure he wouldn't mind :)
 
How to overcome a problem!!!

:D Whenever u have a problem carry a pic of ur wife r ur gal friend... U know wat i mean.... Atleast u ll feel ,there cant b a worser problem than this when u look at the pic in the purse and can relax a while....:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
 
Sardhaaarrr....

This female, a wife of a sardar always talks on the phone for 1 hr for a call ... And its no wonder if she talks for more than 1 hr... One fine day, Mr. Sardar watched her wife end her phone call in jus 30 mins.. Watching this, he is shocked and asks his wife... "Aree Darling.. How can u end the call in just 30 mins??.." The wife replies "No darling.. It was a wrong number..!!!! " :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
 
Quadophile said:
A friend of mine was a philosophy major during his first semester in college. One day in a the class, they spent a great deal of time debating whether the glass was half full or half empty.
After the class, my friend was feeling pretty good about himself and what he was learning at university, so when he went home, he tried to continue the discussion with his family.

With maximum drama, he took a 12 ounce glass from the cupboard and poured in 6 ounces of water. Then took it into the dining room and placed it in the middle of the table.

He proudly asked his family, "Can anyone tell me whether this glass is half full or half empty."

Without missing a beat, his grandmother replied, "Depends if you're drinking or pouring."











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that's hilarious!!! LOL!!! haven't read it before!!!
 
Quad if you read this we need more of your jokes.:D

Others are not as good as you are with them!!
 
Yes, I was skipping through some of the back pages yesturday when I was in need of a good laugh :nod:
Is still a great thread quads :)
Giving lots of pleasure :lol:
Can't wait until you get back with some more mate :nod:
 
The Voice

A man was walking in the street when he heard a voice. "Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step, a brick will fall down on your head and kill you." The man stopped and a big brick fell right in front of him. The man was astonished.

He went on, and after awhile he was going to cross the road. Once again the voice shouted: "Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step a car will run over you and you will die." The man did as he was instructed, just as a car came careening around the corner, barely missing him.

"Where are you?" the man asked. "Who are you?"

"I am your guardian angel," the voice answered.

"Oh yeah?" the man asked. "And where the hell were you when I got married?"


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