M
Mel
Yes it must! Seek Professional Help: A good counseler will help you deal
with these issues while preserving your feelings with sensitivity and
understanding. As you go through treatment if you substitute "normal"
and "human being" for "sadist" and "bully" your feelings of persecution
will dissipate until they are replaced with feeling of kindness and
concern for yourself and your fellow man, and just maybe you'll become
one.
Children born to dysfunctional families and raised under such
dysfunction ultimately repeat the behavior they were raised under.
Family dysfunction can be any condition that interferes with healthy
family functioning. Most families have some periods of time where
functioning is impaired by stressful circumstances (death in the family,
a parent's serious illness, etc.). Healthy families tend to return to
normal functioning after the crisis passes. In dysfunctional families,
however, problems tend to be chronic and children do not consistently
get their needs met. Negative patterns of parental behavior tend to be
dominant in their children's lives.
Healthy families are not perfect; they may have yelling, bickering,
misunderstanding, tension, hurt, and anger - but not all the time. In
healthy families emotional expression is allowed and accepted. Family
members can freely ask for and give attention. Rules tend to be made
explicit and remain consistent, but with some flexibility to adapt to
individual needs and particular situations. Healthy families allow for
individuality; each member is encouraged to pursue his or her own
interests, and boundaries between individuals are honored.
Children are consistently treated with respect, and do not fear
emotional, verbal, physical, or sexual abuse. Parents can be counted on
to provide care for their children. Children are given responsibilities
appropriate to their age and are not expected to take on parental
responsibilities. Finally, in healthy families everyone makes mistakes;
mistakes are allowed. Perfection is unattainable, unrealistic, and
potentially dull and sterile.
There are many types of dysfunction in families. Some parents
under-function, leaving their children to fend for themselves. Other
parents over-function, never allowing their children to grow up and be
on their own. Others are inconsistent or violate basic boundaries of
appropriate behavior.
So bully for you, I feel sad that you have chosen to glorify behavior
which brings out the worst in a person rather than behavior which brings
out the best in a person.
If you find yourself answering "Yes" to the majority of the following
questions you might consider seeking some additional help.
1. Do you find yourself needing approval from others to feel good about
yourself? Yes_____ No_____
2. Do you agree to do more for others than you can comfortably
accomplish? Yes_____ No_____
3. Are you perfectionistic? Yes_____ No_____
4. Or do you tend to avoid or ignore responsibilities? Yes_____ No_____
5. Do you find it difficult to identify what you're feeling? Yes_____
No_____
6. Do you find it difficult to express feelings? Yes_____ No_____
7. Do you tend to think in all-or-nothing terms? Yes_____ No_____
8. Do you often feel lonely even in the presence of others? Yes_____
No_____
9. Is it difficult for you to ask for what you need from others?
Yes_____ No_____
10. Is it difficult for you to maintain intimate relationships? Yes_____
No_____
11. Do you find it difficult to trust others? Yes_____ No_____
12. Do you tend to hang on to hurtful or destructive relationships?
Yes_____ No_____
13. Are you more aware of others' needs and feelings than your own?
Yes_____ No_____
14. Do you find it particularly difficult to deal with anger or
criticism? Yes_____ No_____
15. Is it hard for you to relax and enjoy yourself? Yes_____ No_____
16. Do you find yourself feeling like a "fake" in your academic or
professional life? Yes_____ No_____
17. Do you find yourself waiting for disaster to strike even when things
are going well in your life?
Yes_____ No_____
18. Do you find yourself having difficulty with authority figures?
Yes_____ No_____