Yesterday I saw a cyclist being hit by a car at slow speed, cyclist fell off, clutching knee, giving pained expression and going 'Oo oo oo it hurts'.
Being a good samaritan and an upright member of society I thought to myself 'There's never a witness about when you want one' so I thought I'd offer my services as a witness to this abused cyclist.
I parked my car thoughtfully in the bus lane with hazard lights flashing as I considered this an emergency and extricated a business card from my motor vehicle's glove compartment.
I marched smartly to the scene of the accident where I observed that the cyclist was sitting on a wall with less of a pained expression and the driver of the Mercedes saloon that struck his bicycle was standing next to him looking distinctly worried.
I said to the cyclist in as friendly a tone as I could muster 'You alright mate?' to which he replied 'I'm fine'.
I said to him 'Good, do you need a witness?' to which he responded, 'Nah, it's ok mate, it was my fault'.
Well I never.
So I walked away thinking to myself how easily misjustices can occur. There was I, willing to testify against the car driver when it wasn't his fault at all.
A less scrupulous cyclist may have seized the oppurtunity and used me to claim damages from the car driver.
Sometimes things are not as they seem.
Earlier in the day I was in a school hall at the top of a scaffolding tower testing all the stage lighting for safety.
A young lady teacher (with a rather sooper figure, chaps, and long blonde hair) was taking a drama class.
Part of their class was to stand in a circle and for one student to clap their hands followed by the next one and so on round the circle, presumably to teach co-ordination.
The dialogue of this lesson went something like this:
Teacher: We're now going to play 'Pass the clap'
Me: The first glimmer of a smile and supressed giggles welled up.
Teacher: That's it, pass the clap on to the person next to you until it has travelled to everybody.
Me: Biting finger now to supress laughter.
Teacher: I can see you're all rather good at giving the clap to the person next to you but Suzy, you'll have to try a bit harder to pass the clap on.
Me: Now shuddering supressed silent laughter, tears running down my cheeks.
Well, it made me laugh anyway
The last time I passed the clap on she came to me five days later and gave me a card with the address of Greenwich Seaman's Hospital on it.
Pip pip!
Sorry to hear about your experience with the kamikaze goose Flopps, but you could hardly be responsible for his decision to "end it all" by hurling himself at your motor, whatever the fist-shaking guy might have thought. 
