Worst virus of all time.

[justinmalone4]

While everyone is talking about the confictor virus, there's a much
worse virus spreading around the world. This was just discovered and
it's processes have not yet been determined. What is known is that
this virus destroys data, by removing one byte from every file on an
infected computer. It affects every file including executables,
pictures, documents, text files, sound files and more. Worse yet,
this virus can not be stopped. Even shutting off the computer does
not stop the destruction, because the virus continues to destroy data
even when a computer is shut off and unplugged.

It was originally thought this virus was consuming power from the
computer battery, but this has not proven to be true because even
after the battery was removed, the virus continued to function. It is
now thought that this virus can actually generate it's own power
within the processor.

Attempts to format the drive has been unsuccessful since the virus
destroys the formatting program, even if it's on locked media such as
a Cd or locked floppy disk. It now appears that the only way to
completely destroy the virus is to physically destroy the computer.

It's been showing up all over the world, particularly in North
America. There have been several thousand reports thus far, but there
are likely tens of thousands more computers affected that have not yet
been diagnosed as having this virus.

All of the top anti-virus companies are working on a solution to this
virus, but so far it appears the virus is spreading so rapidly that it
could destroy every computer before a solution is actually found. It
affects all operating systems and computer types, including but not
limited to all versions of Microsoft Windows, from Windows 3.x to
Vista, Linux, Unix, Dos, and Macintosh.

Updates to this document will be posted as any news becomes known.

 

[FromTheRafters]

While everyone is talking about the confictor

There's another spelling - anybody making a list?

virus, there's a much
worse virus spreading around the world. This was just discovered and
it's processes have not yet been determined. What is known is that
this virus destroys data, by removing one byte from every file on an
infected computer. It affects every file including executables,
pictures, documents, text files, sound files and more. Worse yet,
this virus can not be stopped. Even shutting off the computer does
not stop the destruction, because the virus continues to destroy data
even when a computer is shut off and unplugged.

True, even purchasing and setting up an entirely new computer will not
keep it from coming back.

It was originally thought this virus was consuming power from the
computer battery, but this has not proven to be true because even
after the battery was removed, the virus continued to function. It is
now thought that this virus can actually generate it's own power
within the processor.

It has nothing to do with hiding itself in the processor. It is not
really a virus at all.

Attempts to format the drive has been unsuccessful since the virus
destroys the formatting program, even if it's on locked media such as
a Cd or locked floppy disk. It now appears that the only way to
completely destroy the virus is to physically destroy the computer.

No good. After destroying several computers, the thing still comes back.

It's been showing up all over the world, particularly in North
America. There have been several thousand reports thus far, but there
are likely tens of thousands more computers affected that have not yet
been diagnosed as having this virus.

Not a virus. Malware

All of the top anti-virus companies are working on a solution to this
virus, but so far it appears the virus is spreading so rapidly that it
could destroy every computer before a solution is actually found.

I'll tell you how to avoid or remove this, but first I'll have to attend
to the fiery balls coming out of the computers I haven't destroyed yet.
I'm sure the fire is unrelated to the malware though, because the
malware only activates its payload on April 1st and it's only March 32nd
now.

 

[Dave Cohen]

While everyone is talking about the confictor virus, there's a much
worse virus spreading around the world. This was just discovered and
it's processes have not yet been determined. What is known is that
this virus destroys data, by removing one byte from every file on an
infected computer. It affects every file including executables,
pictures, documents, text files, sound files and more. Worse yet,
this virus can not be stopped. Even shutting off the computer does
not stop the destruction, because the virus continues to destroy data
even when a computer is shut off and unplugged.

It was originally thought this virus was consuming power from the
computer battery, but this has not proven to be true because even
after the battery was removed, the virus continued to function. It is
now thought that this virus can actually generate it's own power
within the processor.

Attempts to format the drive has been unsuccessful since the virus
destroys the formatting program, even if it's on locked media such as
a Cd or locked floppy disk. It now appears that the only way to
completely destroy the virus is to physically destroy the computer.

It's been showing up all over the world, particularly in North
America. There have been several thousand reports thus far, but there
are likely tens of thousands more computers affected that have not yet
been diagnosed as having this virus.

All of the top anti-virus companies are working on a solution to this
virus, but so far it appears the virus is spreading so rapidly that it
could destroy every computer before a solution is actually found. It
affects all operating systems and computer types, including but not
limited to all versions of Microsoft Windows, from Windows 3.x to
Vista, Linux, Unix, Dos, and Macintosh.

Updates to this document will be posted as any news becomes known.

Wouldn't posting an update be rather pointless if none of us will be
able to read it.
Dave Cohen

 

[Beauregard T. Shagnasty]

While everyone is talking about the confictor virus,

Hey, if you're going to write April Fool's jokes, at least learn how to
spell. It is "conficker." And it's a worm, not a virus.

Good try, though.

 

[FromTheRafters]

Hey, if you're going to write April Fool's jokes, at least learn how
to
spell. It is "conficker." And it's a worm, not a virus.

Not now anyway. After an update it could become an octopus.

 

[Buffalo]

Not now anyway. After an update it could become an octopus.

And, if you're a male and you happen to hit the Shift-D-I combo of keys, it
makes you impotent.
And, if you're a female and you happen to hit the Shift-S-P combo, you
become pregnant, unless you're over 73 or under 16yrs of age.

 

[nailer]

µ$$oft Windowz of any kind