nivrip
Yorkshire Cruncher
- Joined
- Mar 21, 2007
- Messages
- 11,168
- Reaction score
- 2,175
Some guy bought a new fridge for his house.
To get rid of his old fridge (still working), he put it in his front yard and hung a sign on it saying: 'Free to good home. You want it, you take it.'
For three days the fridge sat there without anyone looking twice.
He eventually decided that people were too mistrustful of this deal.
So he changed the sign to read: 'Fridge for sale £50.'
The next day someone stole it!
They walk amongst us!-------------------------------------
One day I was walking down the beach with some friends when someone shouted.....
"Look at that dead bird!"
Someone looked up at the sky and said..."Where?"
They walk among us!
----------------------------------------------------------
While looking at a house, my brother asked the estate agent which direction was north because he didn't want the sun waking him up every morning.
She asked, 'Does the sun rise in the north?'
My brother explained that the sun rises in the east and has for some time.
She shook her head and said, 'Oh, I don't keep up with all that stuff......'
They Walk Among Us!--------------------------------------------
My colleague and I were eating our lunch in our cafeteria, when we overheard an admin girl talking about the sunburn she got during her weekend drive to the beach. She drove down in a convertible, but said she "didn't think she'd get sunburned because the car was moving."
They Walk Among Us!------------------------------------
My sister has a lifesaving tool in her car which is designed to cut through a seat belt if she gets trapped.
She keeps it in the car boot.
They Walk Among Us!
-------------------------------------------------
I couldn't find my luggage at the airport baggage area and went to the lost luggage office and reported the loss.
The woman there smiled and told me not to worry because she was a trained professional and said I was in good hands.
'Now,' she asked me, 'Has your plane arrived yet?'...
They Walk Among Us!------------------------------------------------
While working at a pizza parlour I observed a man ordering a small pizza to go. He appeared to be alone and the cook asked him if he would like it cut into 4 pieces or 6.
He thought about it for some time then said "Just cut it into 4 pieces; I don't think I'm hungry enough to eat 6 pieces."
They Walk Among Us!
TRUE STORY:
A noted psychiatrist was a guest speaker at an academic function where Nancy Pelosi (Speaker of the United States House of Representatives) happened to appear. Ms Pelosi took the opportunity to schmooze the good doctor a bit and asked him,
'Would you mind telling me, Doctor,' she asked, 'how you detect a mental deficiency in somebody who appears completely normal?'
'Nothing is easier,' he replied. 'You ask a simple question which anyone should answer with no trouble. If the person hesitates, that puts you on the track..'
'What sort of question?' asked Pelosi.
Well, you might ask, 'Captain Cook made three trips around the world and died during one of them. Which one?''
Pelosi thought a moment, and then said with a nervous laugh, 'You wouldn't happen to have another example would you? I must confess I don't know much about history.'
Sadly, they walk among us! And, MORE sadly, hold high offices !!!
TrafficCamera
A man was driving when he saw theflash of a trafficcamera.He figured that his picture had been taken for exceeding the limit, even though heknew that he was not speeding. Just to be sure, he went around the block and passed the same spot, driving even more slowly, but again the camera flashed. Now he began to think that this was quite funny, so he drove even slower as he passed the area again, but the traffic cameraagain flashed. He tried a fourth time with the same result. He did this a fifth time and was now laughing when the camera flashed as he rolled past, this time at a snail's pace.
Two weeks later, he got five tickets in the mail for driving without a seat belt.
And this is also true. My wife and I attended a charity event recently to support research into breast cancer. The girl organising the event asked how many had been affected by the disease and quite a few raised their hands. She then asked, " And how many of you survived?"
To get rid of his old fridge (still working), he put it in his front yard and hung a sign on it saying: 'Free to good home. You want it, you take it.'
For three days the fridge sat there without anyone looking twice.
He eventually decided that people were too mistrustful of this deal.
So he changed the sign to read: 'Fridge for sale £50.'
The next day someone stole it!
They walk amongst us!-------------------------------------
One day I was walking down the beach with some friends when someone shouted.....
"Look at that dead bird!"
Someone looked up at the sky and said..."Where?"
They walk among us!
----------------------------------------------------------
While looking at a house, my brother asked the estate agent which direction was north because he didn't want the sun waking him up every morning.
She asked, 'Does the sun rise in the north?'
My brother explained that the sun rises in the east and has for some time.
She shook her head and said, 'Oh, I don't keep up with all that stuff......'
They Walk Among Us!--------------------------------------------
My colleague and I were eating our lunch in our cafeteria, when we overheard an admin girl talking about the sunburn she got during her weekend drive to the beach. She drove down in a convertible, but said she "didn't think she'd get sunburned because the car was moving."
They Walk Among Us!------------------------------------
My sister has a lifesaving tool in her car which is designed to cut through a seat belt if she gets trapped.
She keeps it in the car boot.
They Walk Among Us!
-------------------------------------------------
I couldn't find my luggage at the airport baggage area and went to the lost luggage office and reported the loss.
The woman there smiled and told me not to worry because she was a trained professional and said I was in good hands.
'Now,' she asked me, 'Has your plane arrived yet?'...
They Walk Among Us!------------------------------------------------
While working at a pizza parlour I observed a man ordering a small pizza to go. He appeared to be alone and the cook asked him if he would like it cut into 4 pieces or 6.
He thought about it for some time then said "Just cut it into 4 pieces; I don't think I'm hungry enough to eat 6 pieces."
They Walk Among Us!
TRUE STORY:
A noted psychiatrist was a guest speaker at an academic function where Nancy Pelosi (Speaker of the United States House of Representatives) happened to appear. Ms Pelosi took the opportunity to schmooze the good doctor a bit and asked him,
'Would you mind telling me, Doctor,' she asked, 'how you detect a mental deficiency in somebody who appears completely normal?'
'Nothing is easier,' he replied. 'You ask a simple question which anyone should answer with no trouble. If the person hesitates, that puts you on the track..'
'What sort of question?' asked Pelosi.
Well, you might ask, 'Captain Cook made three trips around the world and died during one of them. Which one?''
Pelosi thought a moment, and then said with a nervous laugh, 'You wouldn't happen to have another example would you? I must confess I don't know much about history.'
Sadly, they walk among us! And, MORE sadly, hold high offices !!!
TrafficCamera
A man was driving when he saw theflash of a trafficcamera.He figured that his picture had been taken for exceeding the limit, even though heknew that he was not speeding. Just to be sure, he went around the block and passed the same spot, driving even more slowly, but again the camera flashed. Now he began to think that this was quite funny, so he drove even slower as he passed the area again, but the traffic cameraagain flashed. He tried a fourth time with the same result. He did this a fifth time and was now laughing when the camera flashed as he rolled past, this time at a snail's pace.
Two weeks later, he got five tickets in the mail for driving without a seat belt.
And this is also true. My wife and I attended a charity event recently to support research into breast cancer. The girl organising the event asked how many had been affected by the disease and quite a few raised their hands. She then asked, " And how many of you survived?"
