Funny, it seems to work perfectly well in my legit copy of 2003. Are you sure
you purchased Excel from a reputable reseller, and didn't get a copy designed
specifically not to work with John's software?? The other option of course is
to actually read the help file and learn how to work it properly, but that does
assume a certain ability to read, and given the text in your rant, I'll probably
find that was a bad assumption.