how to detroy a 9800se?

  • Thread starter Thread starter gary
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gary

Hi, I'm wondering if anyone could tell me what the best way to make my video
card not work anymore without anyone being able to tell I've done somthing
too it.

Thankyou.
 
gary said:
Hi, I'm wondering if anyone could tell me what the best way to make
my video card not work anymore without anyone being able to tell I've
done somthing too it.

Thankyou.
Click to expand...

You sound familiar. You wouldn't be that same cockhead that wanted to do
this just so he could rip off some shop would you?
 
aw c'mon. The boys gonna do it anyway, so why not just have some fun and start a thread thinking up
the most ingenious ways to do it? Might be fun... and anyway, if done well, the best ones could be
put together and used as a joke email that is sent to all the hardware newsgroups, and pinned up on
every other cubicle at ATI for years to come.

Just to keep some balance, you can switch from funny to moral/insulting towards the end of the
skit....

Here's my go


1. Microwave it on full for 5 seconds. Put some microwave chips in as well, so you can celebrate
your deed in luxury afterwards. Who says crime doesnt pay.

2. Cover the back of the card with tin foil, then plug it into the 12v (dont plug it into the agp
slot as well whilst you do this, this will *100% certain* kill the mobo)

3. Rub a balloon on your head for a minute until it is really staticy, and then touch the back of
the card with the balloon. This relies on a static spark crossing over and killing something, and
there are other ways to do this, including:
- touching the back of the card against a tv screen that has been on for some time (if you hear a
static crackle as the card gets close to the screen, your job is done :)
- taking off and putting on a wollen jumper 5 or six times whilst wearing sneakers or standing on a
wooden floor, then (without touching anything else), touch the pins of several chips on the board.
Repeat until the card fails

4. switch its supply - Reverse any two pins on the 12v lead. Plug it into the card (dont plug the
card into the AGP slot as you do this (unless you are also looking to upgrade to that athlon64, see
NB1 below). Disconnect and put the pins back as they were.

5. Overheat it. Stop the fan turning for 2 minutes whilst at the same time blowing a hairdryer
directly at the heatsink.

6. add a temporary short. Get some wire and wrap it around the legs of one of the most important
looking chips. Turn on the card, and it shouldnt come up. Take off the short and try again. If
the card still doesnt come up, then your job is done! IF you think you might scratch the card with
the wire, use a big drop of water to wet some kleenex, and put that over the pins. When the water
dries, nobody will know, (except you and half of usenet)

7. Use an electronic ignition. If you have a cooker or cigarette lighter that uses an electronic
spark to light the gas, simply press the ignition so the spark hits the board (you can fix a wire to
the ignition and put the other end close to some chip legs on the board. Note that you dont want
the wire to actually touch the chip, but you want to get it very close, so that a spark flies
across, because this increases the potential difference caused by the spark.


NB1 - some actions might also kill your mobo.... but then that way you can also try to get dad to
buy you a 64 bit processor. I'd therefore go for the ones that tend to kill the card whilst it is
not plugged into the computer (the microwave and static ones seem like the safest).... unless you
want that athlon 64.

NB2 - Why not try to double your money instead - put an old voodoo 1 card into the computer and show
dad how bad the graphics are. so bad in fact that you cant even run that pirated version of windows
XP so you can write up your homework ('it doesnt let me do my homework' is the best sentence to use
to get parents to pay out on new computers) this will not only make him feel sorry for you and/or
worry about your education, thus causing him to give you 200 bucks for a new card, you also get to
sell that crappy (but still working) 9800SE on ebay and make some money for dope, so you can get
stoned as well as play half life 2 in style. Bargain.

NB3 - Why not wait a bit, then you can start bawling for an Xbox2 when the time to start crying
uncontrollably and embbarringly when you 'realize' your computer no longer works.

NB3.5 Also good to do the bawling trick when grandparents are there, because then the chances of
someone fallong for it more than double (especially f the grandparents are tending towards senility
and/or dont actually understand computers)

NB4 - Why not try getting a girlfriend instead and spend your formative years getting good at rumpy
pumpy. That way your young life would not revolve around staying in your room playing video games,
making it such a part of your life that you are prepared to lie and cheat, just to upgrade a gFX
card.


S
 
Hi, I'm wondering if anyone could tell me what the best way to make my video
card not work anymore without anyone being able to tell I've done somthing
too it.
Click to expand...
PLease furnish us with your address so we can forward this message to
the Police as you seem intent on defrauding someone.
 
police??? good on ya, what country do you live in? It cant be the same as
mine if you think the police would waste there time on something like this,
have a broken the law........no.
 
thanks for the reply, its not a saphire, and I'm not looking to trade it in
or replace it or get my money back. I'm just wanting it dead.
 
PLease furnish us with your address so we can forward this message to
the Police as you seem intent on defrauding someone.
Click to expand...

..au

An Aussie... It must be the criminal genes.

D0d6y.
 
police??? good on ya, what country do you live in? It cant be the same as
mine if you think the police would waste there time on something like this,
have a broken the law........no.
Click to expand...

So why would you want to kill a perfectly good video card?

If you're upgrading, Ebay it.

If you're going to claim on insurance so you can upgrade, then that's
fraud.

If you're going to go "Mummy mummy, my computer machine is not
working, I need an X800 video card", that's fraud too.

D0d6y.
 
police??? good on ya, what country do you live in? It cant be the same as
mine if you think the police would waste there time on something like this,
have a broken the law........no.
Click to expand...
I live in the country that shipped out all the founding fathers of
yours.
 
thanks for the reply, its not a saphire, and I'm not looking to trade it in
or replace it or get my money back. I'm just wanting it dead.
Click to expand...
Yeah right. The comment about it being done so nobody can tell its been
tampered with sort of gives the game away. If you weren't trying to
defraud someone and simply wanted to break it you could just snap it in
half or prise off the GPU, drill a hole in it and turn it into a
keyfob.
 
Easy. Lay it on a plastic table top, and go scrub around
in your socks on a cheap rug. Then just go over and
pick up the card. Even better ... get a box of those
&&%$^ packing worms and stir around in it for
about a minute, then go pick the card up. Caution,
that one kind of hurts, so don't touch your little sister
or your dog. My favorite .. unplug your video monitor
and pick it up with the screen against your chest, then
go pick up the card. That is how you fry a whole
shipment of parts that the boss made you haul in off
the loading dock. :-)

johns
 
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