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What could possibly be worse than politicians frittering away your hard-earned cash for their own gratification you ask?
Actually, I'll digress a little.
Why is our cash always hard-earned?
What about those of us who've earnt some easy cash?
I've earnt easy cash before, quite often, actually. A morning's work for three hundred smackers is what I'd call easy-earned cash, wouldn't you?
So there you go, another journalistic cliche bites the dust
Now where was I? Oh yes, something worse than slimy politicos.
Let me tell you, this is a tale of grief and woe, of such misfortune that could befall a fellow on an otherwise uneventful Tuesday afternoon here in SE10.
At around 4pm today, feeling peckish, I prepared some food. On the worktop was some cooked, hot, macaroni cheese. Under the grill was some nice thick cooked smoked bacon. Heating in the microwave in a small pyrex bowl covered with a sideplate was some lentil soup.
My microwave is on top of my fridge freezer which by my estimate made the soup about six feet (that's an imperial measurement a little below 2M for all you Euro types) above the ground.
The microwave went 'ting' I opened the door and lifted the bowl.
The bowl was extremely hot.
The hotness of the bowl made itself known to my conciousness fairly quickly.
Being a well tuned sort of chap with still functioning body reflexes my brain told my hands to let go of the bowl.
Pausing only to exclaim 'F*****g Hell!' I released the bowl/plate/soup unwillinglly lightly throwing it upwards.
The bowl and plate travelled downwards. The side plate struck the grill with such momentum the rashers of bacon flew in the air and made their way to the kitchen floor.
The bowl containing the soup, however, decided on a different route. On it's way down it managed to turn sideways, emptying the soup.
The first thing it struck was the container with the macaroni cheese. This caused what soup remained in the bowl to fly upwards and the macaroni cheese to be projected in a 180 degree arc sort of sideways.
The bowl and the sideplate were on the floor, the macaroni cheese container lay on it's side.
One would think that a portion of macaroni cheese for one and a standard size lentil soup didn't amount to much.
However, both culinary delights, to my amazement, seemed to have made their presence felt in most areas of the kitchen.
As I surveyed my intended meal I noted it was on the worktop; the floor; the walls; the cooker; inside the cutlery drawer; across some cookery books; on the i-Pod player; the microwave; the kitchen door; the ceiling; my jeans; my sweatshirt, my hair and one of my ears.
I sort of stood there in a stunned silence for some moments and figured I was going to do one of two things - laugh or cry.
Not wanting to be a miserable fellow, I laughed. I'm rather glad I laughed now, on reflection I think I would real rather foolish had I cried.
So, I got an instant meal out the freezer, microwaved it and ate it. As I consumed my instant meal I was very aware of the soup and pasta in my hair.
I left the mess in the kitchen, I couldn't be bothered.
It is now 10pm. At 9pm I started cleaning everything, I finished at 9.45p.m.
Now I'm going to shower and change my clothes, I'm still splattered in goo.
Well, there ya go, some days are good and some days aren't so good
Actually, I'll digress a little.
Why is our cash always hard-earned?
What about those of us who've earnt some easy cash?
I've earnt easy cash before, quite often, actually. A morning's work for three hundred smackers is what I'd call easy-earned cash, wouldn't you?
So there you go, another journalistic cliche bites the dust
Now where was I? Oh yes, something worse than slimy politicos.
Let me tell you, this is a tale of grief and woe, of such misfortune that could befall a fellow on an otherwise uneventful Tuesday afternoon here in SE10.
At around 4pm today, feeling peckish, I prepared some food. On the worktop was some cooked, hot, macaroni cheese. Under the grill was some nice thick cooked smoked bacon. Heating in the microwave in a small pyrex bowl covered with a sideplate was some lentil soup.
My microwave is on top of my fridge freezer which by my estimate made the soup about six feet (that's an imperial measurement a little below 2M for all you Euro types) above the ground.
The microwave went 'ting' I opened the door and lifted the bowl.
The bowl was extremely hot.
The hotness of the bowl made itself known to my conciousness fairly quickly.
Being a well tuned sort of chap with still functioning body reflexes my brain told my hands to let go of the bowl.
Pausing only to exclaim 'F*****g Hell!' I released the bowl/plate/soup unwillinglly lightly throwing it upwards.
The bowl and plate travelled downwards. The side plate struck the grill with such momentum the rashers of bacon flew in the air and made their way to the kitchen floor.
The bowl containing the soup, however, decided on a different route. On it's way down it managed to turn sideways, emptying the soup.
The first thing it struck was the container with the macaroni cheese. This caused what soup remained in the bowl to fly upwards and the macaroni cheese to be projected in a 180 degree arc sort of sideways.
The bowl and the sideplate were on the floor, the macaroni cheese container lay on it's side.
One would think that a portion of macaroni cheese for one and a standard size lentil soup didn't amount to much.
However, both culinary delights, to my amazement, seemed to have made their presence felt in most areas of the kitchen.
As I surveyed my intended meal I noted it was on the worktop; the floor; the walls; the cooker; inside the cutlery drawer; across some cookery books; on the i-Pod player; the microwave; the kitchen door; the ceiling; my jeans; my sweatshirt, my hair and one of my ears.
I sort of stood there in a stunned silence for some moments and figured I was going to do one of two things - laugh or cry.
Not wanting to be a miserable fellow, I laughed. I'm rather glad I laughed now, on reflection I think I would real rather foolish had I cried.
So, I got an instant meal out the freezer, microwaved it and ate it. As I consumed my instant meal I was very aware of the soup and pasta in my hair.
I left the mess in the kitchen, I couldn't be bothered.
It is now 10pm. At 9pm I started cleaning everything, I finished at 9.45p.m.
Now I'm going to shower and change my clothes, I'm still splattered in goo.
Well, there ya go, some days are good and some days aren't so good
FBS you have made a man happy and should be proud of yourself
however, this catalogue of disasters has just rendered me helpless and weak from laughter which bordered on hysteria. I could totally picture the scene. Also, having had a similar - though less elevated mishap (the microwave being worktop height) with a container of boiling-hot plums... I can picture your soupy mess. In my case, the ceiling was spared, but the molten, sticky plum juice spread itself very liberally around at least half of the kitchen.
